Only 2 days to go before I say farewell to Lboro as my home. Sigh. I feel worse and worse the closer it’s getting. I’ve done absolutely no packing all week. Adam’s done everything, and I’ve just sat around sulking with a lump in my throat and a tear pressing behind my eye. Not a happy girl.

Raven loves having her grandmother around. And grandmother loves having Raven around.

Sarah and Gracie were here yesterday. The whole baby group, minus Natalie, who’s in Zimbabwe for her daughter’s Christening, went out for dinner at the Australian restaurant in town on Thursday night, but Sarah and I decided we’d see each other one final time before I left, so she came over yesterday. It was really nice seeing her. I shall miss her much. I shall worry about her too. She’s very depressed. I wish there was something I could do. I really want to keep in touch with the baby group, and we’ve decided to set up a virtual baby group on MSN. Good idea.

We can’t get out of the contract with dansommer. But they have conceded that their service this past year was lacking – although the issue I raised were “minor” in their estimation. Grrrr… Anyways, unless we wish to pay our way out of the contract, we shall have to leave the house available for rental for 7 weeks this summer. Hm. Yes. So if all 7 weeks rent out, we shall be homeless for that period. I might go stay with Mette and Dennis for a couple of weeks. We want to go to England on holiday as well, so hopefully that’ll be possible for a couple of weeks too. Helle and Jens have a caravan we can use as well, so we can always pitch at the local caravan park. Adam would have a mere stroll to work from there.

So, today and tomorrow is all I’ve left. My mum only just got out of bed. I wanted to go into town this morning. I suppose I could’ve without her, but… I don’t know. I’m irritable and upset and… overwhelmed, I guess. Yet again I have to make a new life in a new place. I just don’t know if I can face it. It doesn’t get any easier as one gets older, it really doesn’t. People have lives and aren’t looking to expand their circles. Especially not to include someone like me. I’m not very easy to get on with at the best of times. The last memory I have of living in Denmark is bad. And that stops me from… hoping and believing I will be happy there. “Must be wonderful for you to go home,” people say to me. But I’m not going “home.” I’ve no home or network in Denmark. I have a best friend, a mum, a couple of brothers, a nephew, an auntie and some friends of the family. Family’s great but the network I was finally beginning to develop here with the girls from baby group was so good for me. People on the same page in life as me. Does that make sense?

I’m a whingebag. Probably PMT. Should get my period sometime between 11th and 16th of February – unless, of course, I’m pregnant. Don’t think I am, tho.

Mette doesn’t love me anymore. I think.

Anything else to say?

Oh yes. I remember. I love my daughter so much.