Sorry for the long incoherent ramble earlier today. It's all just a bit much.

Anyways, just been to the police station to lodge a complaint for criminal damage. Unfortunately, it went pretty much as I'd expected and not how I'd hoped.

Basically, the officer I spoke to thought I was being silly for being scared "The thing with fear," he said "is that it's all in your head. You've just gotta face it. He's not going to do anything."

So, now I'm the paranoid one...

But they took my complaint and will "go and have a chat with him." I will receive a receipt for the complaint shortly.

The thing is, it's so difficult to explain why someone gives you the heebies - you know - and I'm talking to the officer and all the while thinking: well, you haven't met him - you don't understand how he comes across. And some things - like body language and intonation - cannot be conveyed satisfactorily with words. You know. And adding to that the psychotic knife attack in the kitchen... well, he's obviously not right in the head.

And maybe I'm just being a little silly woman, but I have a lot to lose and my fear of all things crazy and knife wielding has grown proportionally with the number of babies I've had.

So don't tell me it's all in my head.

He's telling me he knows where I live, he likes to play with knives, he thinks I go to his place and leaves opened mail on his doorstep, he owes me £££££ and he's mentally unstable. Where in this am I to find "well, what are the chances he'll do anything?"

"Well, what are the chances I'll be in a trafic accident, yet I still strap in my children and myself when we drive anywhere" I replied.

But he hasn't met him and he doesn't know how unstable and crazy he comes across.

And what if it was the officer's wife or daughter who'd had that kind of contact with someone.

Anyways, he was being completely un-confidence-inspiring (yes, that's a word) as he looked through the complaint I'd written and said "so, is this your ex-boyfriend?" - first line of the complaint read "Re. Complaint of Criminal Damage done by Ex-Tenant Tommy Contphase"

I also mentioned to the officer that Mr Contphase had said about me on a list on the internet - you know - to try and explain how weird the phucker is, but that only solicited a light - snigger - from the officer. All in all it seemed the more I tried to explain, the more the officer thought I was the batty, loopy one.

Well, I've done what I could. Now, I'm lodging a complaint in the civil court for the money he owes us for heating and rent.

It's costing us money to do all of this, but - well - I don't know - I kinda feel like I have to. Because it's all I can do. We won't get our money, I know, but that isn't even the point. 

What angers me even more is that he's on benefits. I mean, wtf? What is the state doing supporting people who --- no, I don't know what I'm trying to say.

Sorry for rambling again.

And now I shall write a strong, confident and impressive covering letter for yet another job application.