I had my first week without my food tracker to hand, so was obviously a little worried how it was all going to go. I did bring my food scales with me, but quickly found it was impossible to weigh everything because we ate out so much. But I still kept my food journal, so wrote down everything – getting pretty good at estimating the weight of what I eat as well, now, so took some educated guesses of the food I could not weigh or read the cal value on the packet - 150 gram mash potatoes, 250 ml soup, ½ glass of red wine and so forth. When I came home, I input 5 days' worth into the food tracker, and lo and behold, I was under budget every single day! What a boost and how very uplifting to find that I have learned how to eat! Finally, after all these years! So, bravo to me and hurrah for my food tracker, which has helped me achieve what I never thought possible!

My grand total weight loss now stands at 28.3 kilo / 62.4 lbs / 4st 6.4lb. In 2 days it will be exactly 6 months since I embarked on this journey and commenced my lifestyle modification project. If I keep up the loss rate I have been keeping (about 1 kilo per week – naughty!!!), I should be normal weight by my birthday! Wouldn't that be a grand way to celebrate my 30th anniversary as overweight?

I have added a new goal to my list of endeavours to improve my overall well being and health: I shall begin to exercise. I have made excuses and avoided it for long enough, but now that my theatre production is over and I'm still unsuccessful in my attempts at finding employment, I have lots of spare time, and what better use of spare time than improving oneself for the good of me as well as my family? Also, although my body feels better than it has done for many, many years and looks better in my clothes than it has done for many, many years, the naked view is a pitiful sight and makes me wish I could turn back time and lose the excess before having babies and before losing skin elasticity completely. Exercise should improve my looks somewhat, although I realise the damage is beyond what anything I can do myself will ever put right. I have seen the pictures and heard the harrowing stories of the surgeries needed to rectify the years of body abuse – it's not nice and frankly, it's enough to make me weep for my own stupidity.

A gruelling example:



Okay, so I don't nor will I ever look like this. But it does illustrate very well my point.

Here's a better one, though, for comparison. This is Kaiya, who've lost 130 lbs, which is around what I'm aiming for (well, my aim is 120 lbs, but when we're in that category, 10lbs is neither here nor there!):



Although my body is older and let's be fair to this young lady a whole lot more raggedy and saggy (well, I've had TWO babies, thank you very much!), I feel it's a fair comparison!

Anyways, she went on to have surgery to remove the excess skin:
(For the whole story on Kaiya click here)

Looks good – well, as good as it can look and certainly a whole deal better than the excess skin hanging. Excess skin isn't just a cosmetic issue, mind you. It's prone to all sorts of infections. But then, so is surgery scars.

Maybe a bridge best crossed when we reach that river.

So, the theatre production is over, we've done the 11 performances scheduled – 3 of those last week in Germany. Hence my absence from the scales – and from here. I can't believe how much of my time it's taken, partaking in this project. But it's been worth it, it really has. Being ME again. Well, the me that has evolved after parenthood, wifehood and the rest that has happened since I was last me.

Did that make any sense?

I'm applying for jobs and getting nowhere. But it's beginning to get a little desperate. We need the money, we really do. And I could do with using some of my new found me-ness before it all dissolves in dirty dishes, laundry, and dinners smeared over the table or rejected before they've even been tasted.

Yes, I need this Me. The more I get to know Me, the better I am at being all the other characters I need and want to be. How could I forget this?



[edited to add:]

Just wanted to share my new profile picture with y'all. Adam took it the day before yesterday and I honestly felt it was about time I updated the previous picture as I have aged a bit since that was taken. Just to remind you, here's the old (or young, depending on how you view it) one:



And then the new older me:



Notice how I'm wearing the same choker - for effect, of course ;)