So, finally – a co||ection of the general kind:

If the kids were a little older, I'd be starting my social worker degree this autumn, but as it is... I just can't defend being away 12 hours a day. But I'm still hopeful that I shall not remain a stay at home mum forever, and that I shall eventually find some employment. We need the money. It's not that we struggle or go without, but we could do with some buffer coinage. But it's not even about the money as much as it is my need to get out and do something. However, currently, there are simply no jobs to be had for unskilled labour like myself. I'm wringing my brain to think what scheme or self employment I could come up with, but – I draw a blank. ;) No, I hope once schools reopen in August, they'll find themselves once again short of teachers and will be happy with a temp with a degree.

In better news, I finally have a friend! It's been a while, actually and I may have already mentioned it, but it did kinda disappear a little in all the drama. Anyways, the news are good enough to repeat, methinks. She has two boys roughly the same ages as my two – a few months older, both of them. They're at the same daycare place as Raven and Arthur, which is how we know each other. It's just so, so incredibly nice having someone to talk 'kids' with – and someone other than Adam to talk – well, anything, really – with. And we can have a laugh; lord knows we all need people in our lives with whom we can laugh! Adam's a good laugh, too, though, but I'm sure you know what I mean.

In other news – and news that are a little bit secret and in the future, but wanted to share none-the-less (I'm sure I can trust your discretion): As you know, I've been wanting to donate eggs for quite some time but had to lose weight before I'd be allowed. I've reached the target – and gone below, in fact – that I needed to be a donor, so now it's just a question of Arthur no longer being BF before I can go ahead. I'm ever so naοve, which I guess is the best way. I know with my brain that a certain amount of discomfort is to be expected but as I've not yet experienced it on my own body, I think, 'hey, how bad can it be!' ;) Ah, to be blissfully ignorant!

Anyways, without going into too much detail, a UK based friend has recently become infertile and will be looking to start IVF (all being well) next summer, so I have offered her to have my eggs. Not for her own use (unless that's what she wants), but so that she may jump the queue and have anonymous eggs in exchange for the anonymous donation I shall be making. I figured, as I'm going to be donating anyways, she might as well benefit. Adam thinks it's an excellent idea, so supports me 100%. Not because the BCer is more deserving than all the women who have not been able to find a donor and who have been on a waiting list for up to 3 years or who can't afford to seek treatment abroad, where eggs can be bought (and where donors receive payment!), but such is life.

It'll be a while yet before any of this will become reality, so... well... you know. But all things being well, I should be going to the UK next summer :)) Can't wait to have toasted crumpets with salty butter! Yum-yum! ;)

In other GREAT news, I think I've got the PMDD under control. As much as it's ever going to get (until menopause, anyways). The last couple of cycles I've been weepy and wiped out, but no self loathing or suicidal thoughts AT ALL! It's as though it doesn't seem to reach all the way into the abyss of my heart as it did before. Small victories, and all that! But no, it's NOT a small victory. It's bloody huge! Sod my 'effing doctor who never got back to me on the letter I wrote him back in May. :( I'm not entirely sure what's made the difference, but probably the weight loss, the better diet, the vitamin and mineral supplements (particularly Vit B) and the sunshine and exercise. And of course a desperate awareness on my part of the creeping symptoms. I have the freedom at the moment to sleep when I need to sleep and be zombi-like and do owt but listen to soppy music and weep for three days if that's what I need – which it is, so I do. ;)

My heart goes out to all the people struggling to conceive, it really does. Must be such a strain and your heart must surely break a little with every BFN. I know adoption is an option, but I also know it isn't for everyone. Especially in Denmark, as we only do adoptions from abroad. Unless parents give up their child for adoption voluntarily, a child cannot be adopted – and that vary rarely happens. Long term foster placements is the done thing. Awful system, I think. A friend of mine has a boy she's had since he was 2 weeks old – he's now 9. Yet, she has no claim to him and he could be taken from them at any moment if the council so decided! And he 'has to' have contact with his tummy mummy and DNA daddy even though it 'ucks him up big time when he does. They're horrible people. And my friend's so worried every time they have him unsupervised, because they have made threats that they will take him. Better that he had been given a forever family where he could have had the stability he deserves! But listen to me getting all political here. Both systems have flaws, I know. It's inexcusable when mistakes have been made in the UK and children have been removed and adopted and it turns out the biological parents were not abusing them. But to leave children in limbo their whole upbringing because the rights of the parents overrides the rights of the child is also just so, so wrong.

But I digress.

Weight loss update time, then: 30.5 kilo / 67.2 lbs / 4st 11.2lb. Everything's still going just fine and I have still not yet gone over my calorie budget on any day, nor have I ever felt like just throwing in the towel and eat the whole bag'o'sweets. I'm surprised, but pleased that it is this running smoothly, but I guess that's a lifestyle change in the making for you. On Monday, I purchased a pedometer. I thought for sure the total would be some 2000 steps or something, but lo and behold, Tuesday I wore it for the first time and reached 10.000 without making any special effort. Last night I went for a jog with the dog. And I liked it. There's hope for these old bones yet! ;)