The last 10-20 lbs have been weird. Weird, because people I know but haven't seen for a while no longer recognise me. And that's not because I'm smaller – it's because I look different – my face has changed. I walk past a shop window and see my own reflection and sometime even I stare and think, “who's that?” People like to tell me it's a problem in the luxury category – but such a significant change to the way you look – even if it is for the better – isn't just a blessing. We are who we look like, and if I don't look like me, who am I?

I have met a lot of new people since starting work and with this, I am facing new challenges that I hadn't even considered.

Yesterday, in the teachers lounge, there was freshly baked bread that a colleague had brought in. Steam was still raising from the loaf as I was debating with myself whether to have some. My mouth was literally salivating from the warm, seductive scent of the bread – and I was encouraged by a couple of my co-workers to help myself. “Well, I need to just think for a moment,” I said. “It's so high calorie!” I said it without even thinking. “No it isn't – it doesn't have hardly any added fat,” the lady who made it said. I was a little flummoxed. I guess I hadn't even considered how to approach my weight-loss publicly as I've not been around people who don't know what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. I felt put on the spot. “I'm not bothered about the fat,” I said. “Bread is high calorie no matter the fat content and I have a budget to consider.” I felt myself getting defensive.

My colleagues looked at me, obviously not quite sure what to make of my words. “Never mind the calories,” the lady who made it finally said. “Have some... it's delicious!”

I felt awkward and began to panic a little. When I eat, it's because I've made a decision to eat and I'm rarely presented with unexpected temptations. Certainly, I am no longer tempted by chocolate at the till or other such “useless” foods. And for the other temptations I do face – cake at my mums, ice cream when we go to the seaside and so forth – well, I have a whole range of mechanisms in place to deal with these. I have “allowances” to tame the inner 3-year-old. But this was new. And I had nothing. I was drawing a blank. And I knew there was no way I could not have some of that bread. Bread is my Achilles heal.

So, I said it. I said, “Well, I couldn't've lost 36 kilo if I hadn't thought about it before deciding to eat!”

My face was burning and I felt a big knot in my stomach.

“36 kilo!!! Oh my God, you must've been fat!”

My humiliation was total.

“Yes. I was fat. Very fat. Much fatter than now...” I concurred.

And then I had a slice of warm bread with butter.