The wind, although still cold, is gentle and playfully it rustles my hair and kisses my winter pale cheeks. Finally the sun is blessing us with its presence and at long last awakening daffodil and crocus. And birdsong. Yes, it seems spring has sprung at last.

After a 2 year long battle against cancer, Ulrik finally found peace yesterday morning. Everyone he loved was with him � Sebrina, his wife since Sebtember � his parents, his sisters. And he was conscious to the last � he and Sebrina were able to say their goodbyes. In fact, they�ve had some pretty important and good talks the last couple of weeks, when it became obvious that it was their last chance. He was allowed to pass peacefully at home, which was exactly what he wanted. Now, he�s in his coffin, in his wedding suit, with his teddy from when he was little nestled with him. He looks better now, my mum says, than he did for the last year. The swollen face, the agony in his eyes � it�s all gone. Just peace left. The funeral is on Monday � Sebrina is glad my mum will be able to attend � that he passed away before she left to come over here.

We�ve known the family for 17 years � I was just 13 when my mum and Sebrina�s mum started working together at the youth support centre. I used to baby-sit Sebrina and her younger brother when they were just 9 and 6 years old. Now she�s 22 and a widow. I�ve not seen Ulrik for a long, long time � not since we bought the house in Denmark. And then, I was only allowed to say hi from a distance, cos I had a really bad cold, and he was vulnerable because of the chemo therapy.

For 2 years, he did everything he could � and the doctors did everything they could. Even though he was only 22 back when the cancer was first diagnosed � even though there were times when it looked as though he�d recover � in the end, it just wasn�t enough.

Sebrina�s heart is broken. She�s 22 but looks like 42. Her life has a hole so big in it that only time can make it seem smaller.

I had been expecting the call from my mum. He was let home from the hospital about 5 days ago. They said he had between 3 and 10 days left. They were right.

But today it�s spring. Bearing new life and new hopes.

Adam, Raven, and I are all fine. I have a cold, but it�s almost gone now, so I�m feeling better and getting a little more sleep. I was off work Monday and half day Tuesday. I was only going to do � time this week, but because of my absence, I�m having to do full days, cos otherwise I�ve not got time to do everything I need to do before I leave tomorrow. I�m doing a handover tomorrow for the lady who�s covering for me whilst I�m on maternity leave.

My mum is coming in just a week. Then it won�t be long till Mette comes. And then our little girl. Or, the order might be Raven, mum, Mette, or mum, Raven, Mette. I just don�t know. But I�m looking forward to meeting her. We bought a cot for her � 2nd hand, obviously, and a brand new mattress. All for �30. A bargain.

We still haven�t bought any of those toys that are supposed to be good for her � that will stimulate her and keep her entertained for those 10 minutes she is able to concentrate and be stimulated in one sitting the first couple of months. I honestly feel a little lost in all the adverts and advice. Black, red, and white bold faces and figures on soft material to put on the right hand side of her cot � mobiles that make a sound � musical toys � rattles that rattles � crinkles that crinkle and mirrors so she can learn to smile at the stranger she sees. She has 5 toys so far: A home knitted bunny rabbit in a sweater that my mum bought at a Christmas fair - A vibrantly coloured crocodile with crinkles, bells, squeezes, mirror, rattles, and a fish that wriggles when you pull it - An octopus with legs in different fabrics, one crinkles, one rattles, one shines, one has a bell, one has rubber knobs, and all are they brightly coloured and a wooden block with metal bars with beads on it. That�s it. Those are her toys. No mobiles to attach to her cot � no bedding for her cot � cos she�s supposed to be sleeping in her moses basket in our room for the first 4 months or so. But we�ve no bedding for that either. Next on the list, I suppose.

Last night, Adam and I were reading about all the toys that are recommended for the new born � things with numbers and letters of the alphabet on and interchangeable cue cards with shapes like bright red butterflies, bright smiling faces in black and white and big greedy squares and curly lines to stimulate and educate her. �Will she be really dumb if we don�t get all this stuff for her�, Adam asked. I don�t know. I have no idea. I�m pretty sure I didn�t have a nursery packed with educational toys for the newborn when I was born and I�ve not turned out dumb. But I�m sure the professionals know what they�re on about and recommend this stuff only to benefit the child � not for their own financial gain, I�m sure. I did say to Adam that I wanted her to have a baby gym play mat thing, so she can lie on the floor � well, on the dining table, probably, in order to avoid Angel running off with the wriggly fish or something � and look at the shapes, reach for them, kick and bash at them. I think they�re good for a baby. But that�s just what I think. As for the rest of it? I might do some black/white/red shapes for her myself. She�ll obviously be slightly askew compared to all the other children who had the streamlined NCT version, but then again, the lack of a car in the household, the 2nd hand clothes, the lack of mobile phone etc. are all part of her father and my conspiracy to ruin the poor babe. Social Services will no doubt intervene, but by then it will be too late � she�s already marked for life by.

I better get on with my work. Lots to do.