Today I wept when i received the bill form the post-natal depression counsellor I saw some weeks back. I feel guilty that I cost us so much money. One conversation with this woman cost us 1000 DKr. That's A LOT of money. And although she was lovely and all, it didn't take away the evil in me. And i certainly can't afford to talk to her again, although I'm well aware of the need for just that.

I'm so, so lonely.

The doctor - I went for my 9-week check-up last wednesday. Had the long overdue smear test, but that was it. He didn't ask how I was - only asked what birth control I was using and told me that I can get pregnant now even if I'm not having my periods yet. I knew that. Arthur was conceived pre-period.

The Christening is on Sunday. I soldier on. Today was a good day - apart from the bit when I got the bill - and the even more horrible bit where I went shopping for clothes to wear at the Christening. I HATE clothes shopping - only one thing I hate more and that's shoe shopping.

Perhaps I'm not actually a female.

Arthur seems to be growing out of his colic. It helps. Raven isn't as stressed and hasn't been poorly for almost 3 weeks now - and she loves her new nursery (as do we) - so that eases the pressure a bit as well. But living in a building site is hard on a fragile psyche.

I'm going to bed.