I’m feeling better today than I have done for a while. It’s only normal to have a bit of baby-blues, but it worries me just how deep and devastatingly cruel my thoughts and emotions become. Thank heaven that I am not a single mum and that I have a wonderful and supportive husband. Lord knows I miss having a network of some sorts outside the emidiate family and as always, I lament the lack of friends in the nearby. I miss my baby group from England very much. We keep in touch via the internet and such, but it’s obviously not enough – I crave human contact – other than my children, that is. The lack of human interaction, I feel, is making it difficult for me to be the mother I’d like to be. Especially when life events in general frassle me and I have noone but my husband to talk to about it all.

But Arthur is thriving (put on a full kilo now since birth) and Raven’s been so good the last couple of days. I was seriously worried about being on my own with both of them for two full days every week, but the better Raven has got to know Arthur and the more “every day” it becomes – and maybe the better I become at managing them both – the less of a nuisance Raven is whenever I have to feed, change or otherwise deal with Arthur and thus the less stressful it is for me.

Speaking of which – it may be that the youngest child is more spoiled than the oldest and so forth, but it’s definitely true that the oldest – at least whilst little and with the kind of age difference we have between ours – gets waaaaaay more attention than the youngest. I haven’t got nearly as much time or chance to just sit and talk and interact with Arthur as I did with Raven. All those hours where I could just sit there with her in my arms talking, singing and so on to her – well, Arthur certainly won’t have that kind of massive 1-on-1 stimulation from me. He won’t be going to baby massage or baby swimming with me wither – and we won’t be going on all those long, long walks Raven and I used to take. He will, however, have loads of interaction with his sister. She’s already a super big sister. She shares her toys with him and loves to include him in her games. He’s obviously completely uninterested, but I always tell her she’s really good and sweet for being a loving big sister. She gets really upset when I have to tell her to stop because she gets too rough with him or if she tries to feed him a biscuit or something.

I’m tired.

Today, it's three months since my dad died. Time doth fly!