Entry number 100 - hmmm� nothing too special really, but I thought I'd make my diary happy and give her something for the occasion, so I made one of them fancy quizzes that all the cool kids have;) There's a few stupid mistakes that annoy me� but oh well� I'm trying to come to terms with imperfection as part of my life, so I'll just resist all urges to redo the whole thing just because there's one little extra word somewhere. Apart from that, it's pretty easy - well, I think so at least;)

So, I finally finished my Linguistics essay. What a piece of c.r.a.p. Oh well, it's over and done with and I've only got two to go before I GET TO GO TO DENMARK AND HANG WITH METTE. I'm going on the 4th of February and coming back on the 11th - I can't wait - I bought the plane ticket just half an hour ago and though it was very cheap, it still is an overdraft. Stupid university should pay me back my tuition money! They will, but apparently, it takes 2 weeks to make a check and another 1 for the bank to process it. Poo-heads! Well, actually the tuition fee check has already been spent as in, I'm gonna pay back the rest of my bank loan, my tax and my rent for the rest of the year. That'll be the end of the money and I feel a bit guilty for splashing out going to Denmark and all� but it's all for a good cause, namely my sanity. I need some healing time with the best friend. It'll also be nice to see my mum and perhaps my youngest bro - oh, and Anja of course, and Dennis.

I did the campus tour for prospective students at the open day at university. If any of these prospective students had an online diary, I'd LOVE to see what they wrote about today - if anything. It was quite good - I was funny, smiling and informative so I guess it's all good - but I didn't sleep last night and doing a 2 1/2 hour hike around campus is a little tiresome. I'm afraid Peter (my Creative Writing prof.) will get a lot of applications for the Canada exchange the next couple of years. I really do all I can to promote it. Oh, and every time one of the prospects talk about taking a year out before university travelling, I clap my hands and jump up and down, encouraging them like they've never been encouraged before. Travelling is good. I'm not saying everyone should make a career of it like I have, but it really is the best gift you can ever give yourself.

One thing I think it's hard to explain to people who haven't travelled is the fact that it really isn't as much what you learn about the country and culture you're visiting. More than anything you learn about your own culture, your own country - and yourself. It's extremely healthy to realise that there's another way that isn't necessarily better or worse, but just different. There's always one person at open days who'll ask which country I like the best. Personally, I find that a rather ignorant question and only someone who haven't travelled can ask it. I don't have a favourite� I like all of them. Canada stole my heart, that's for sure, but I think that was the particular people I met as much as it was the country - though I do think Canada is amazing. But so is Italy, England, The Faeroe Islands - heck, there even was a time when I liked Denmark, though she has lowered considerably in my esteem after the election� she was already on a downward slope, but the last few months I seem to have lost all connection. I think it will be very difficult for me to ever go back and live there for real. It's strange, coz I can forgive other countries their weaknesses, but Denmark� well, she breaks my heart over and over again, and it feels so much more personal. Also, I have issues with Danish. I'm just not used to speaking it� not that I can't, I just don't have anything Danish to talk about. Everything in my life takes place in English and must of it I have no names for in Danish. Like my studies. No, I don't even wanna talk about it. Denmark annoys me. So worried that anyone does well, so worried that anyone feels good, does different stuff, don't think of Denmark as the best place in the world. Oh, and seeing as I don't even live there, I'm not allowed to have an opinion on anything, coz I obviously can't possible know shit about it. No, I'm gonna stop that spiel right now. Denmark just makes me feel worthless. It doesn't encourage me to be all I can be and it prefers I don't try. Better to keep safe. Better to stick with what you know. Definitely don't think you're better than us, just coz you've been away. Actually, don't think you're better coz you're actually worse. You've abandoned you're country! Well, to me it's the other way around. I was abandoned by Denmark. I wish I didn't feel like a stranger in my own country. I wish they'd let me be who I am. That's what I get everywhere else. I guess I get to be who I am in part because I'm abroad.

It was a strange experience being in Canada and everyone assuming I was English. Like, what I said about getting to know your own culture and country by going abroad - well, suddenly the culture I was associated with was England, and suddenly it was England I was learning heaps about. How people regard England, English people, English Culture etc. Of course, being very interested in post-colonialism it was an advantage, but sometimes it felt like I was lying merely by speaking, because I knew/know that people automatically think I'm English. Like, today at the open day. Peter does introduce us and tells people that I'm from Denmark, but I think people assume that what he means is that originally I'm from Denmark or that my parents are English and that Denmark is just a parentheses of some sorts. Well, it's not. I haven't lived in England very long at all. Actually, this is only my second full year here. I worked as an Au Pair in the south of England in 1994 for 4 months, and I lived with Tom in London for 3 months in 1996. Then in October 1999, I came here to go to university, but that was only for 10 months and then I went to Canada for another 9 months before coming back here. So, that's a grand total of 24 months. Two years scattered over 8 years really isn't that long and it definitely doesn't make me English by any standards.

Who cares anyways? Who cares about nationality? I've said it before and I'll say it again: it really doesn't tell you shit about a person. Sometimes people wanna know if all Danes are like me. I think it's safe to say no to that. I mean, if you're going to Denmark expecting to find a bunch of people like me, you're either gonna be very disappointed or very happy depending on your initial stance. But that doesn't mean I'm different from all other Danes;)

Why do I keep talking about this? I don't even give a shit about it. I shouldn't waste time talking about stuff I don't give a shit about. I'm badly struck by super PMS at the moment. Perhaps that's why I don't give a shit. I get these completely debilitating mood swings. It really is quite terrible. I hate-hate-hate doctors who claim there is no such thing. Like, what I don't get is what the hell they are winning by saying that? What the hell does it matter to them? And how can they dispute something that is a reality to so many women? I know people who say PMS is all about vitamins and food and stuff and that's okay - just don't tell me it's not real, coz that's bullshit. It's as real as the period itself. I actually bought this book on PMS just before Christmas, but I don't know where it's gone. Did I send it to Mette perhaps? I'll have to ask her.

I have this really sore muscle infiltration on the side of my neck. It's this big lump I can push around under my skin. Gross really, though way more sore than gross.

I'm gonna get stoned now, read/write e-mails and sleep. I have a meeting with the Head of Department tomorrow morning about essay. Poo!

So, who know number 100 would also be the crappiest? Oh well...

"And then I saw her standing there, with green eyes and long blond, she wasn't wearing underwear, at least I prayed she that she might be the one, maybe we'd have some fun, maybe we'd watch the sun rise, but that night I learned that some girls try to hard. Some girls try too hard, some girls try too hard to impress me." The Party Song, Blink182. (thanks!)